Chloe

 Chloe, Chloe, Chloe, well there is only one way to describe such a unique person and that is with a story.

When Chloe was four she went to a meeting with my dad and as they walked into a room with 20 adults sitting around the room on chairs, Chloe looked around the room and said "Don't talk to me I'm shy." At the same meeting one of the ladies asked Chloe, "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Dad said Chloe looked at the lady like she had 3 heads and said "An adult" in a confused voice, what a great goal, so many people grow up and seem to miss becoming an adult.

The opportunity to raise Chloe has been a blast, I love the way she naturally thinks outside the square, no-one ever had to tell her to. Her love of life is infectious.

Chloe's ability to think outside the square helped her in many areas, when my kids were younger we knew a few bigger families and when we had meals together an adult or older child would wash the dishes and the rest of the children were handed tea towels and lined up to dry the dishes. In the lines you would see Chloe getting closer to the front then she would go from second to last, something no-one else thought of. Reality of course is she would have probably spent less energy just drying dishes, not my Chloe.

Teaching Colours

When we went to playcentre many years ago a fellow mother gave me this idea and although it was too late for Sarah and Jaimie, I used it for Chloe and Michael.

Each week choose a different colour and focus on it e.g. blue, there's a blue car, the sky is blue, this top is blue, blue playdough and my kids even had blue baths.

I taught them the primary colours first red, blue and yellow and then the secondary colours with the rest following. To teach them secondary colours I put a primary colour at each end of the bath and we would watch them magically become another colour. To colour the bath I used food colouring - the bath never stained and neither did the kids.

Lying

Teaching Children not to lie

"I would never lie to my children." How often have you heard this? Children copy our actions more than they follow our words.

Children learn by your actions more than your words. This is important because sometimes we're not aware of our actions.

Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny don't exist so saying they do is a lie. You can have the experience of them without lying, I told my kids the story of St Nicholas but they knew I put their gifts in stockings (and why would I want an imaginary being getting credit for my hard work). Easter Hunts are still fun for kids knowing mum, dad or grandpa hid the eggs.

Instead of the tooth fairy still give your kids money, although don't do what I did. When Sarah was five a friend told her about the tooth fairy and she was so excited, Sarah has loved money from the beginning, her first word was money so getting money for old teeth was a great idea for her. We had a conversation where I explained to her the tooth fairy wasn't real but in our house I would give them 50 cents for the small teeth and $1 for the molars. Anyway, a couple of years later when she lost her first tooth I handed her $1 without thinking, she jumped up and down and said that means $2 for molars which is what I continued to pay.

By the way my children knew not to tell others Santa etc weren't real, I told them when the children's parents were ready they would tell them. What my children did learn was I would not lie to them, even if it was a socially acceptable lie.

Footnote: Sarah's first word was money. When she was one we were at my dad's shop cashing up and I sat her beside the till. When I opened the drawer she pointed at the money with eyes open wide and said moooneeey and then took a deep breath and sighed with a big grin on her face.

Sarah

Sarah has been extraordinarily wise from a very young age. She is very observant with an ability to work out the best way of doing things that for the life of me I can't figure out.

The day I had Sarah was the greatest day of my life - I became a Mum, just thinking about it makes my heart sing. She was born with breathing problems so went to the NICU before I could hold her. Four hours later when she was stable I got to go down and see her. Holding my pink beautiful baby for the first time stroking her face and hands, only another parent has that joyous memory.

Sarah was always a good big sister from the day we bought Jaimie home Sarah was always helping me with the baby. Jaimie's first bath was the start, I went into the bathroom to put water into the baby bath and when I bought it back into the lounge, there on the couch was my now naked baby who had been fully clothed when I left the room, Sarah had not only removed her clothes but also her cloth nappy and pins. Sarah was the ripe old age of 23 months. I feel very privileged to be her mother.

Footnote by Sarah: My mother is one in a million. If you wanted ten friends to stay during the school holidays, she would welcome them with open arms, feed them all, and make them laugh. Of course you would get the odd "be quiet!", "clean that up!", "no you can't have that!", but everyone would still leave exclaiming "your mum is so cool!", which at the age of 13, you know just can't be true!
She raised all four of us with the patience of a saint and with our best interests at heart, and did a fabulous job! I am very thankful to have such a loving and accepting mother, as i realise how important both of those traits are in raising a child. If I aspired to be a Toilet Cleaner or an Astronaut, I know she would support me all the way.

Reimbursement

Reimbursement is a concept I came across by accident. I think it is a very logical consequence that can have more of an impact than being punished. After the following incident I was reminded how mean I was making my kids reimburse when the other kids involved didn't.

When Chloe and Michael were 8 and 6, they were playing in a paddocks behind our house with a friends three boys C - aged 10, B - aged 9 and A - aged 8. The paddocks are connected to the paddocks under gondolas.

Anyway my friend and I had a cuppa and a chat (1 1/2 hours) then she wanted to go home so we went to find the kids, we couldn't see them but weren't too worried because they always returned from their adventures amongst the paddocks and hedges). My friend went home and the plan was to send her kids home (they lived around the corner) when they reappeared.

Well! imagine my surprise when 5 minutes later a police car pulled up and my two angels hopped out, and three more angelic faces were in the back seat.

Mr Policeman then said, "The children walked up to the top of the Gondolas and the people in the cafe gave them a milkshake because they were hot from their climb then asked them to leave via the gondolas. C said "no we want to stay" and in the end they rang the police to come and get them to leave. So I went up and bought them down in the gondola's."

As you can imagine I apologised profusely then got the kids to go to their rooms so I could think about what to do.

Ultimately I got them to write three letters of apology and thanks for their help - one to the policeman, one to the cafe ladies and one to the Gondolas management. I made them pay (out of their pocket money) for the gondola ride and milkshake.

Footnote: they were also no longer allowed in the paddocks without Sarah or Jaimie.

Grounding

My biggest advice for this is think before you ground. When you ground a child you ground yourself.

When you ground a child think about the time period, what is happening during that time period and if you can stick to it.

When Jaimie was 13 I grounded her for 6 weeks and it was the hardest 6 weeks of my life. At the time I had a shop and spent alot of time there, it was also the school holidays so I had a very unhappy child with me for 6 weeks (the friend she got in trouble with was given alot more punishments but after 3 weeks the parents caved in).

6 WEEKS - Don't do it. Really truly 1 week maximum learn from my mistake.

When Chloe was 13 (something about that age) I grounded her for two days so much better.

What to do if you lose your rag!

One of the greatest joys of parenting is the fact children know how to push your buttons. Anger is a natural reaction (apparently it is fear turned inward). So the question is how to deal with it.....

1. Take a deep Breath
2. If you are really angry walk away (I used to put myself in timeout in my bedroom).
3. Work out why you got to the stage of anger i.e. if a child wasn't doing what they were asked then punish the child before you get angry or maybe as a child your parents got mad at the same thing.

One of the hardest parts of parenting is being consistent and when we're angry we tend to do or say things we later regret so when you're angry keep your mouth shut and don't use physical force.

Oh and take a B complex the week before your period cause we all know what happens that week!!!

Timeout

The thing thats most often different is where children have time out. Some people put them into their bedrooms, some into the bathroom or toilet and others onto a chair or mat in an area of the house the parent can watch the child.


I personally used a childs' chair in the living room when my children were small and their bedrooms when they were older.

When Chloe was 2 she loved being around the other kids so how to discipline her was easy, I put her on a childs' chair in the lounge. I only needed to do it twice, the first time it didn't work but I tried again and I was watching her and she was fiddling with her fingers so I said "Sit on your hands" and she looked at me horrified and said  "I won't have anything to do." and I said "That's the point."

Punishment

We all want our kids to fit into society. specifically we don't want them to get on the wrong side of the law so we need to teach them the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behaviour. I just want you to know overall my children were seldom punished because most of the time children do something wrong they don't realise it's wrong so it just needs to be explained to them. I only punish after i'm sure they did it knowing it was wrong. My personal belief is during the pre-school years and again during the early teen years kids will try to test you and as long as you've been consistent through the pre-school years the teen years are a breeze (Ok not a breeze but definitely not as hard as is portrayed by society). Discpline needs to be appropriate for the infraction and the childs age/stage and personality.

Different types of include Timeout, Grounding, Spanking, Cleaning or other Punishments ,and Reimbursement.
To find more indepth information on these please click on Correction (found at the bottom of the page)

One, Two Three

One, Two, Three is how I taught my children the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. I started when they were about 18/24 months depending on the child.

When my children did something I found unacceptable I would start to count "One, twooooooooooo" and normally they stopped doing what they weren't meant to or started doing what I asked e.g. "Pick up your toys".
So what happens when you get to three - sad but true you need to punish your children. The punishment needs to be appropriate for the age/stage of the child, the personality of the child and the unaaceptable behaviour. To get ideas check under Corrections (just click on Corrections under this blog and all the associated blogs will come up).

When I counted to three I also held up my fingers One (one finger), Two (two fingers) which came in handy because when I was on the phone or had visitors as long as I had my childs attention I could still correct their behaviour with a shake of my head and my fingers.

Toilet Training in three days

When I first heard that idea, I thought "Yeah right!" but it works. For more information go to the toilet training page.

Wait till the child was ready, the best sign for readiness are they say they're going toilet or need to go. Next, put the child on the toilet every couple of hours and if after a day or two they haven't purposefully gone then stop and wait a month and continue that cycle till they're trained.

Yes, No, Maybe!!!

Make your Yes, Yes and your No, No.

This sounds obvious, but it is really hard to do. If you do it when your children are young, it pays off big time when they are teenagers.

'Maybe' could be your best friend.
Children have an amazing radar to ask you questions when you are side tracked. When they do this, say "I'll think about it" or "Maybe" instead of Yes or No, so you have time to think it through.

My Four Gifts

I do believe children are a gift from the universe and the joy my children bring to my life is indescribable. My children are Sarah 24, Jaimie 22, Chloe 19 and Michael 18. Sarah is currently living in Ireland, like Sarah I am a first child and I do believe its a challenging position since parents are trying everything for the first time. Sarah was a great first child when I said something inane she would ask why (she still does), Sarah made me the mother I am. Jaimie  is a Duty Manager at a local cafe/restaurant. She is currently saving so she can also travel. Chloe lives with her boyfriend and also works at a local restaurant. Michael lives with his girlfriend and is studying Computer Programming and works part time at the same place as Jaimie helping out in the kitchen.

I am doing this blog because I believe parenting should be a joy and alot of people seem to make it harder for themselves than need be. I hope my ideas can help others.