Role Modelling

Look in the mirror and see who your kids are taking after.

Reality is our kids learn to love, care, speak caringly from us if thats how we treat them.

I think this is the hardest part of parenting because it is so easy to yell when we are angry. The anger doesn't even need to have come from anything the kids have done/said. When I do something I don't want the kids to mirror I apologise and explain a better way I could have dealt with it.

Timers

This will be short and sweet. Timers are great, use them.

I use timers for:

• getting activities done (e.g. 10 mins to tidy bedroom)
• showers (Angel will stay in the shower for an hour without a timer)
• timeout
• tv and computer time

Pocket money and Chores

Pocket Money 

I started paying pocket money around the age of 4, depending on the child. My step-daugther gets $1 for each year of her life, at the moment she is 8 so gets 8 dollars a week. My own children I gave 50c for each year since I didn't have much money.

With my own children I had a weekly chart and if they completed it they got paid. With Angel we use marbles, each marble is worth 25c, she can earn $1 a day and when she gets $7 I throw in the extra dollar.

We have a jar system for pocket money and with my kids they put certain percentages in each one 10% giving jar, 20% long term savings, 10% savings and 10% family jar. With Angel she just has to put money in each jar and we don't have a family jar. Angels giving jar goes to the SPCA because she loves animals.

Chores

Making your bed, tidying your room and cleaning up after yourself is not a chore it is daily life.

Some of the chores we have are dishes, bringing in firewood, washing windows, setting the table, feeding pets, washing - hanging out, bringing in and/or folding, vaccuming, sweeping, mowing lawns, weeding.

Mealtimes

Children need to be feed every 2 - 3 hours. Feed you children what you are eating and eat up the table with them. Children watch us and learn thei habits, so if you don't like veges why would they? Feed each meal - breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and depending on bedtime supper. Give your child a variety of food, when mealtime is over tip the food out or feed it to the dog and don't feed your child again the next meal (they will eat the things they like so if you are trying to increase their range of foods, keep these foods to a minimum but do not cut them out completely).

Don't bribe or threaten, children on average need a food presented 20 times before they eat it.

If you are having problems with an older child (7 or over) cut out morning and afternoon tea.

Give them water to drink, milk and juice are foods and will fill them up.

Bedtime

Watching your angelic child sleep snoring softly, absolute bliss.  Waiting for your excited, somewhat hyperactive, bouncy child to reach his/her angelic state can be very tiresome.

My children had a bedtime routine, dinner, bath, song, I then kissed them and out I went. Jaimie followed, I tried ignoring her, spanking her (once), not talking and just putting her back to bed. When I turned around there she'd be the cutest grin on earth. In the end I lay down with her till she fell asleep, I read and didn't reply to her.

Thankfully most children aren't this stubborn and will stop coming out if consistently put back in bed for 3 to 4 evenings.

Sibling rivalry

I personally believe sibling rivalry is a result of jealously and/or not feeling unconditionally loved.

Jealousy - Jealousy happens when one child appears to get an unfair amount of attention - they may be younger, be a high need child or are sick or disabled.

Unconditional Love - we all love our children and would do anything for them including giving our lives for them. Sadly our children don't always feel this.

Things that will help both situations.

Eye Contact - Use eye contact positively, look at your kids when they please you, when you hug them and say I love you. Don't stare kids down when they misbehave.

Physical Contact - Hug them, stroke them as you walk past, tickle them.

One on one time - if you have more than one child this is the hardest one to do but there are ways around it - each parent can have a date with each child each month (dates can be anything from going for a walk, a hot chocolate or a meal - a date is not sitting in front of a movie) , read to children individually, do a chore with one child (e.g. chat over the dishes).

As a single mum I didn't have the opportunity to have date nights, what I did was each night I sang to my children on there own (once they were 7/8 they asked me to stop since I can't sing) and I tried very hard each day to speak to each child individually, all my kids knew if they needed me they did need to let me know.

Lying

Teaching Children not to lie

"I would never lie to my children." How often have you heard this? Children copy our actions more than they follow our words.

Children learn by your actions more than your words. This is important because sometimes we're not aware of our actions.

Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny don't exist so saying they do is a lie. You can have the experience of them without lying, I told my kids the story of St Nicholas but they knew I put their gifts in stockings (and why would I want an imaginary being getting credit for my hard work). Easter Hunts are still fun for kids knowing mum, dad or grandpa hid the eggs.

Instead of the tooth fairy still give your kids money, although don't do what I did. When Sarah was five a friend told her about the tooth fairy and she was so excited, Sarah has loved money from the beginning, her first word was money so getting money for old teeth was a great idea for her. We had a conversation where I explained to her the tooth fairy wasn't real but in our house I would give them 50 cents for the small teeth and $1 for the molars. Anyway, a couple of years later when she lost her first tooth I handed her $1 without thinking, she jumped up and down and said that means $2 for molars which is what I continued to pay.

By the way my children knew not to tell others Santa etc weren't real, I told them when the children's parents were ready they would tell them. What my children did learn was I would not lie to them, even if it was a socially acceptable lie.

Footnote: Sarah's first word was money. When she was one we were at my dad's shop cashing up and I sat her beside the till. When I opened the drawer she pointed at the money with eyes open wide and said moooneeey and then took a deep breath and sighed with a big grin on her face.

What to do if you lose your rag!

One of the greatest joys of parenting is the fact children know how to push your buttons. Anger is a natural reaction (apparently it is fear turned inward). So the question is how to deal with it.....

1. Take a deep Breath
2. If you are really angry walk away (I used to put myself in timeout in my bedroom).
3. Work out why you got to the stage of anger i.e. if a child wasn't doing what they were asked then punish the child before you get angry or maybe as a child your parents got mad at the same thing.

One of the hardest parts of parenting is being consistent and when we're angry we tend to do or say things we later regret so when you're angry keep your mouth shut and don't use physical force.

Oh and take a B complex the week before your period cause we all know what happens that week!!!

Toilet Training in three days

When I first heard that idea, I thought "Yeah right!" but it works. For more information go to the toilet training page.

Wait till the child was ready, the best sign for readiness are they say they're going toilet or need to go. Next, put the child on the toilet every couple of hours and if after a day or two they haven't purposefully gone then stop and wait a month and continue that cycle till they're trained.